I am DROWNING

Well, I have to say I thought I would've been ready to start writing by the beginning of this month but I'm not. And while I would like to say this sorta sucks, well. . . it kinda doesn't. Because were I to start writing now the resulting story wouldn't nearly be what I wanted it to be.

I mean, I did plan. Really, I did. Maybe not as much as I was supposed to but I had a beginning to end plan on paper. At first I was happy. But then I looked at it, really looked at it and thought, "This is not the story I was supposed to tell." And that was a bad realization because what I had written down wasn't better than the way I see it in my mind, in fact I think it was way worse.

I wonder how that might have happened and I think it was because the planning was done too quick and was too forced. Yet on the other hand I didn't spend nearly enough time planning which I believe was largely the reason for this result. So, I am giving myself this rest of this month to do some serious planning.

I think the hardest part of all this is not knowing where to start. I know I need to create the back stories of all my major characters at least, and that I need to plan out the plot and the character arc of this book, and figure out exactly who my characters are down to their bare instincts, and the world itself needs to be figured out still. Does this story take place in a hot place? A cold place? What is the society and culture like there? What sort of things might be ingrained in my character from growing up in such place? And then there's the magic system, or lack thereof. And it's just a bit overwhelming. How do I plan this out? Do I start small and then go big? Do I start with what I know and then ponder the things I don't or do I figure out what I don't know first? And just which part of this whole mess do I start with first?

It's all just burying me alive and I feel very small and useless.

But I know I'll get through this mess. Somehow. I think I might start with some back stories and some magic structure. I've been working on the cultures some, but still not enough. For this whole month I've got to focus on nothing other than planning this thing so I can write it. Even if I don't have much of a clue where to start.

How many of you feel this way sometimes?

Surprising Myself (Day 22)

Well, today was nowhere near ideal. We (me, mom, dad and bro) went to my grandparents to see my uncle and cousins and had diner, for a pre-thanksgiving thing I suppose. But it wasn't all a waste of NaNo time, I managed to write a whole 2,000 words while over there! This surprised me because I tried to do this last year while at my aunts on Thanksgiving and wrote 0. We left around 7 and I got home around 8-ish and I wrote the rest of the 3k, hitting 5k just before 12am (well, I was about 50 words short but hey, can't stop time ^^;). So today = success!

And, unfortunately, I can't try for 10k tomorrow because I've got to leave home :( My gosh I've been trying to get around to doing a 10k day for a while now and when I finally, actually think I can really do it, things start to happen D:< So not right!

If I can do about three 10k days then I'll be caught up to where I should be! Right now I'm only at 80k but I should be at like 115k, and I feel so guilty D:

But on a lighter note, I've finally gotten to introduce a new character, an interesting, eery, somewhat insane character, and I absolutely love him so far! Remember that drawing I posted awhile ago of that dragon? Well, that's who I'm talking about, and my other characters? Let's just say they're a bit scared of him ;)

I hope everyone is on track with their novels and are enjoying writing those interesting bits!